


A Future Worth Sharing

by goldfishoflove



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 14:23:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15583863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldfishoflove/pseuds/goldfishoflove
Summary: It takes Lup and Barry a long time to decide what they want ... and even longer for the universe to let them have it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hard year for Barry. A fun year. A hard year for Lup.

**Year 4**

The Starblaster's crew reappeared at its helm amidst ribbons of white light and groans of relief. They were perfectly healthy, save for Magnus's black eye and the scratch on Merle's forehead, but their faces were haggard and the ship was a mess. Alarmingly deep gouges scarred the hull in several places, and the deck was covered in bloodstains and puddles of black goo.

Taako was the first to move, turning to throw his arms around Lup.

"You okay Lulu?"

She squeezed. "Yeah. You?"

"I'm great! Let's never do or speak of that ever again."

"Sounds good. What's for breakfast?" The twins sauntered back towards the galley, arm in arm.

"Ugh, how can they think about FOOD right now," groaned Merle.

Lucretia reached for her quill with a shaking hand as the rest of the harrowed crew dispersed.

 

"Barry?" Lup tapped on his door in the early evening. "Davenport wants us to do some preliminary surveying, see if we can get the lay of the land before the Light falls. He thinks there's a pattern in where it goes." She waited. The bond engine thrummed loudly, just overhead. "Barry, can you hear me? Can I come in?"

Barry was hunched over his desk, his face in his hands. He jumped at the sound of the door opening, and when he turned to look, his face was wet.

"Oh, fuck, sorry Lup, I--" He mopped at his cheeks with a sleeve.

"Oh. Oh, hey." Lup crossed the small room in a stride and sat down on the chest beside the desk. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just ... we all just went through some shit, and--"

Barry shook his head, still sniffling. "It's okay, I'm good."

"You ... aren't."

Barry pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. "Just give me a minute."

Lup pinned him with a look, and after staring back at her for a moment, Barry hung his head. When he finally spoke again, his voice was hoarse.

"How many more times are we gonna do this, Lup?"

Lup sighed. "I don't know."

"How many times _can_ we?" He looked at her pleadingly. "We almost died last year. Most of us _did_ die. And those last few days without you were ..." He trailed off, looking distant.

Lup looked down. "I'm sorry, Barry."

"What? No! Not like that." He sat up straight. "If you two hadn't stayed behind we'd all ... you know. We might be in it, now." Barry shuddered away that thought. "But see ... we come back from that, and you and Taako are cracking jokes, Lucretia goes right back to writing, and here's me a fucking mess." He laughed wryly. "I guess you all are fine, it's just me who can't handle it."

"That's what I'm sorry for," Lup said quietly. Barry stared as she took one of his hands from the desk and pressed it between hers. "Barry, we're not fine. None of us are fine. Like two minutes after I left the bridge this morning I was throwing up. Taako ... doesn't really show people what he's feeling anyway, but he shows it the least when he's feeling the worst. Magnus is up on deck right now training himself into exhaustion, Lucretia is _reliving_ it all into her journal, and I don't even know what Merle and Davenport are doing and that right there, that's the problem."

Lup took a deep breath. "You're right. We can't keep doing this, not the way we've been doing it. Taako and I have each other, but we're leaving the rest of you out to dry, and that can't fly any more. We signed up to be a team. That turned out to mean a lot more than we bargained for, sure, but that's why we have to _be_ a _team_. There are gonna be more years like last year, and more days like yesterday."

Barry groaned.

"Agreed, yeah, but listen. That fucking sucked, but we got out of it. And we're gonna get out of the next one, too. But next time, we're not going off on our own afterwards. We stick together in the fight, we win, and then we keep sticking together. If there's a way out of this, a way to make it stop, that's the only way we're gonna find it. Or even survive long enough to figure out what it is."

Barry sat back in his chair, and Lup released his hand.

"Damn," he mumbled. "With speeches like that, I'm surprised they don't have you captaining this thing."

Lup shrugged, then smirked. "I can't drive stick."

Barry blinked. He chuckled. Lup grinned encouragingly, and in a minute their laughter was echoing down the corridor. Barry rolled up his damp shirt sleeves and wiped his eyes one last time.

"All right, well. You were saying something about surveying?"

"Yeah, but fuck it." Lup rose gracefully to her feet. "We've earned one damn day off. I'm gonna go see what Lucretia's up to. Wanna come?"

Barry looked around his bare quarters. "... yeah. I do."

He stood up, stretched, and began following Lup.

 

**Year 12**

"It just doesn't make any _sense_." Lup leaned across the map table, poring over a density readout for the umpteenth time. "We can _see_ the continents down there! There are structures! Someone built them! And maybe that someone's not around any more, but ... there are definitely structures, right? I'm not hallucinating that?"

"If you are, then I am too." Barry punched a few buttons on a sensor, squinted at his notes, corrected a few of them, and spun a small dial. The machine began emitting quiet beeps at various pitches.

"So why does this say it's all liquid?! Is it all some weird plasma? A soft fiber we've never seen before? We're sure it's not a fungus, right? If I never see a mushroom again it'll be too soon."

"The cell structure's all wrong," Barry agreed. He placed his hand on the machine and the sound paused. "Lup, listen to this."

"Mmm?"

He released the device and it resumed its beeping, alternating now between two notes.

"I've been awake too long, my brain's turned to jelly. Is that a sixth or a seventh?"

Lup froze. "It's a sev ... no, a minor seventh, give or take a bit, what did you just say?"

"Huh? I just asked you what the interval was. You're right, it--"

"No, before that."

"I've been awake too long ... my brain ..."

They stared at each other.

"No way," said Lup.

Barry grabbed his notebook and flipped rapidly backwards through pages. "Minor seventh, minor seventh. I heard that somewhere before."

Magnus and Davenport approached from across the deck.

"You two sound excited, did you find a spot to land?" Davenport asked.

"Nope!" Lup announced. Her eyes shone with delight. "Even better!"

The captain looked puzzled. "Come again?"

"Here!" Barry stabbed his notes with a finger.

Lup ran over and grabbed his arm to look over it. "Minor seventh emitted when the sensor depth blah blah blah high concentrations of amino acids in a triple helical structure, separated into ... Barry, what the fuck does that mean?"

"It's hydrolyzed collagen!"

Lup and Barry stared at each other, then collapsed into laughter. The noise drew Lucretia and Taako up from belowdecks.

"The fuck are they on about?" Taako inquired.

"Search me," said Davenport.

"Some kind of ... facelift planet?" suggested Magnus.

"Jelly!" Lup crowed. "It's all gelatin. That's why we weren't detecting solids even though we can see vertical structures. It's NOT solid, not really. There's probably some stronger substructures keeping it intact, but they're far enough under the surface that--"

"Jelly planet?! Uh, DIBS!" Magnus took a flying leap over the side of the deck.

Davenport peered after him. "Does he have, like, something to ..."

"I got it," Taako sighed. He took a light step up onto the rail and another off, murmuring the words of a featherfall spell.

From far below, they heard a faint cry of, "Thaaaaanks Taaakoooooo."

Davenport shook his head. "Oh well. No landing spot, then, huh?"

"I don't ... think so?" Lup released Barry's arm and turned back to the map. "The readings are really consistent, that's why it confused us so much. Confused me, anyway. Barry was on it."

Barry sputtered. "Hey, not until you said something. I wasn't even hearing the interval right."

"Yeah, but you're the one that said--"

"I get it, you're both geniuses," Davenport interrupted. "What do we do with the ship?"

"Hovering would be safest," Lup admitted. "But depending on the exact composition we might be able to float on it safely. Either way, we'd need to move in closer to examine it with conventional tests."

Lucretia, a few paces behind Davenport, tilted her head. "What's a 'conventional test' for a planet made of gelatin?"

Lup grinned and nodded towards the railing. Barry translated:

"Wait for Magnus to eat it and tell us what he thinks."

The chronicler looked shocked. "Is that safe?"

Lup shrugged. "Compared to everything else he does?"

"I suppose ..." Lucretia shook her head, and followed as Davenport made his way back to the helm. Barry and Lup stood by the railing, watching the newly demystified jelly buildings floating past far below.

Lup turned away. "Okay. One last bit of research to do today."

"What's that?"

"What _does_ the jelly planet taste like?" Lup dove over the rail, her robes streaming out behind her like a comet. Her voice faded away as she fell. "Last one down's a rotten eeeegg ..."

Barry shook his head, but as he vaulted after her, he was smiling.

 

**Year 15**

"GO! MOVE!" Magnus bellowed from behind him. Barry was already sprinting at top speed, dodging fragments of rock and wood as buildings collapsed around him. The quake had caught them all by surprise, turning the abandoned town they were exploring into a crumbling deathtrap. In the main square up ahead, sunlight glinted off the edge of the Starblaster's hull, but it seemed impossibly far away. Clouds of dust and piles of debris obscured more of the gap every second.

Barry glanced back over his shoulder but Lup was already passing him, dropping to a roll as she slipped on some rubble and immediately back on her feet. He had no clue about the others until he heard Merle hollering,

"DAMMIT Magnus, keep going, don't w--"

He was silenced by a thundering crash. Barry's heart dropped into his stomach but he didn't dare stop. Just then, a new tremor sent him onto his knees, and he scrambled to get out of the way as the bricks of a chimney clattered to the road beside him. As Barry found his feet again, Taako darted past him without pausing. He was bent under the weight of the makeshift sling across his back, sweat pouring down his forehead but determination in his eyes. Warm light spilled through the folds in the fabric.

They were close enough now that he could see Lucretia on the deck, gripping the rail as the ground heaved beneath the ship. Lup was on the gangplank, shouting something, and Barry was just catching up to Taako when the ground began to quiver yet again.

 _Please,_ thought Barry. _Let him get the Light. Crush me, kill me, whatever it takes, just let us get the Light this time._

He was steps away from the ship when the ground split open. It was by chance alone that his flailing hands found the end of the gangplank as Davenport yanked the ship into a shaky hover. As he pulled himself up, a metallic CLANG echoed through the cargo bay--the Light of Creation, bouncing off the far wall. Barry turned just in time to see a magehand wink out of existence as the last structures in the town below collapsed.

"TAAKO!" Lup screamed as the ship jolted upwards. Barry dragged himself the rest of the way in and threw himself on the crank that raised the gangplank. The ship gave a nauseating roll, and Barry, Lup, and the Light were thrown haphazardly into one corner. Lup was sobbing. Barry threw one arm around her and gripped a handrail with the other.

"Lup, Lup, it's okay. He's gonna be okay."

Lup shook her head. Her face was pressed into Barry's chest, and her back heaved under his arm. "It's not, he can't--he can't, I need him--" Her voice cracked into incoherence. Barry tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

"Lup, remember, it's just a year. Not--not even a year now, like, four months. Three and a half tops. You'll see him really soon, I promise, I promise it'll be okay." The floor began to tilt again, and Barry tightened his grip on the handrail.

Lup showed no sign of hearing him. Barry held on for both of them, babbling reassurances, until Davenport finally stabilized the ship.

 

Two hours later, the Starblaster was hovering in slow circles around a wooded mountain when Lup wandered into the galley.

"Hey."

Barry looked up from pouring tea. "Oh, hey. Want some?"

Lup squinted suspiciously. "Is it any good?"

"It's made of something Lucretia found in the forest. She swears it's not just pine needles, but, uh, I think it might just be pine needles." Barry grinned apologetically. "So, uh, no. But it's something to do. Keeps your hands warm, you know."

"... sure, fuck it." Lup sat down as Barry found another mug. She took a sip when he passed it to her, swished it around, and made a face. "You are not wrong. That is some bad fuckin' tea."

"Told you." Barry slurped noisily from his own mug and scowled. The distant whir of the bond engine drifted through the galley, followed by the shudder of sheet metal bent out of shape during the emergency takeoff. The repairs were going to be tricky this time. Plenty of solid ground to land on, but no guarantee that it would stay that way.

"Thanks," said Lup finally. "For being ... cool about that."

Barry grasped for words. Something comforting, but meaningful. Something like she would say.

"You're welcome," he finally stammered.

Lup sighed. "I feel like I should be over this by now. But this year is the first time I had to actually watch Taako ..." She trailed off.

Barry shook his head quickly. "How would you get _over_ that? He's your brother!"

"He's my _twin_ ," Lup said emphatically. "My other half. We've _always_ had each other, even when we didn't have, well, anything." Lup started to take a sip, then caught herself. She smiled faintly and looked up. "Before we had all of you."

Barry blinked, then slowly smiled back. The engine hummed, accompanied from time to time by the rattling hull. They held their tea.

"Anyway." Lup slid off the bench and walked behind Barry to rinse her cup out. "Sorry I acted like an idiot there for a minute. Don't tell Taako."

Barry snorted. "Any of us would understand. You saw what I was like the first time I saw YOU d--um." He caught himself just as she turned the water off. He listened to the swish of a towel, the gentle clunk and latch of a cupboard. It lasted, he estimated, the remainder of the year.

Lup laid her hands on Barry's shoulders. Her fingers were long and thin, but calloused and still very warm. She leaned over and pressed her lips to the top of his forehead, filling his nose with the smells of sweat and blood, mud and pine needles. He closed his eyes.

"Thanks," Lup said again from the doorway, and left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry helps a robot, sort of. Lup looks for constellations.

**Year 17**

"Lup! Perfect. Taste this." Taako waved a spoon at his sister as she wove between her breakfasting crewmates to get through the galley. "None of these philistines understand fucking hollandaise."

Lup licked the sauce off the spoon without pausing.

"Isn't that the place with all the tulips?" offered Merle.

"See? No clue at all."

"Neither do you, babe. Less salt, more cayenne."

"Dammit. I mean, I knew that, but it was such a pain to get eggs that I didn't want to make another batch. I wonder if I could just ..."

Lup climbed halfway up the ladder to look around on deck, then leaned back down. "Anyone seen Barry?"

"Hm?" Taako pinched some salt into the palm of his hand and squinted at it. It sparkled for a moment, turning orange and then red.

Lucretia looked up from a half-finished translation. "I think Barry's down in the city already, Lup. He said he had some business in the library we found yesterday."

"Dammit. I mean, thanks Lucretia."

Lup hurried up the ladder.

"Don't you want a benedict?" Taako shouted after her.

"Later, thanks Taako!" she called back.

 

The city had many libraries, but Lup beelined towards the lowest tier above the waterline. The one they'd discovered there was a treasure trove of interesting minutiae: diaries, schoolbooks, reference material. None of it had been deemed important enough to reach the higher echelons of the city, but for their ad hoc archaeology needs, it was perfect.

As Lup strode through the door she heard a shrill beeping noise, and instinctively ducked behind a pillar. The sound stopped, and then squawked out again, shorter this time. She heard Barry's voice.

"You gonna hold still? I can't fix you if you keep moving."

"Maybe I don't ne-e-eed it fixed. Maybe I like it this way." A metallic giggle echoed through the ancient building.

Lup peeked around her pillar, but couldn't see anyone. She followed the voices, keeping to the shadows.

"Well then I came a long way for nothing, didn't I?"

Lup could hear Barry smiling, and felt her lips curve in response.

"You didn't come that far! I saw your ship! It's just two tiers up."

"Oh, buddy. You have no idea."

Lup found herself at the entrance to the children's room. Low benches encircled the outer wall, their cushions long since rotted away. The center of the room was full of tall shelves, mostly empty, and at the far side, there was an an open area for reading. The voices got louder as Lup crept through the stacks.

"So can you fix it or no-o-ot?" A high, grating noise was mixed in with the child's speech, almost like electrical interference.

"Not if you keep scooting around like that. Get over here."

"Fiii-i-i-iine."

Lup peered through the frame of a decrepit shelf. Barry was crouching on the floor, illuminated by sunlight through a wide gap in the roof. Facing him was a little robot with the proportions of a young child. Like the city's other inhabitants, it was designed after humans, but this one seemed a little worse for wear; it was dented in places, had sparks coming out of one hand, and had almost certainly not been built with those little wheels at the back of its feet. At this moment, it was using the wheels to duck in and out of Barry's reach while he made halfhearted attempts to grab at it.

"Look what I can do!" The robot zoomed closer and poked at Barry with its damaged hand. An arc of electricity sparked from robot to man.

"Yeowch!"

Lup's hand immediately went to her wand, but stopped when she heard the robot giggling.

"It does NOT hurt,” it insisted. “I did that yesterdaaaa-a-a-a ... yesterday and you said it TICKLED."

"You're right. I was just teasing."

"Heee-hee-hee-e-e-e ..."

"Okay, look kid, I have got to fix your voice modulator before we get any further, because that interference is creeping me the hell out."

"You mean thii-i-i-is? That's not broken!"

Barry raised an eyebrow. "It's not, huh."

"Nope! That's just fun! Seee-e-e-e-EEE-E-E-E-E-E?" The robot's pitch squeaked even higher as the sound crackled in and out.

"Oh god, I believe you, please stop."

"Okay!" Its voice was suddenly perfectly clear. Lup had to stuff her fist in her mouth to keep from laughing. The little robot spun around in a triumphant circle.

"Oh sure, NOW you listen." Barry was chuckling too.

"You asked nicely that time!"

Barry raised his eyebrows again. "Oh, I see. Will you please hold still, little friend?"

"Okay!" It halted immediately, leaning on its toes to keep from rolling. "I'm not your little friend, though."

"Oh no?" Barry looked surprised.

"I'm Emily!"

"Oh! I'm sorry Emily, it was rude of me not to ask. I'm Barry."

"That's okay! Nice to meet you, Barry."

"Nice to meet you, too. May I see your hand, please, Emily?"

"Which one, this one?" Emily reached out and sparked Barry again. They both laughed.

"That's the one. Let's see now. Seems like the casing's all right, there's just a wire loose somewhere. Let me see if I've got the right stuff with me here ..." He rifled through his bag.

"And if you don't, maybe your other friend does?" Emily suggested.

"Hmm? Which other friend?"

"The one behind the bookshelf."

Lup's eyes widened, and she ducked back into the dimness. She heard Barry's pack rattling as he stood.

"Someone there?" he called out.

Lup cleared her throat, stood up, and walked around the side of the stacks. "It's me."

"Oh! Hey Lup. What are you doing down here?"

"Lucretia thought you'd be here. Who's your friend?"

Barry grinned. "Lup, this is Emily. Emily, Lup."

Emily scooted over. "Pleased to meet you!" She extended a hand.

"Likewise." Lup reached across Emily's body to firmly shake her good hand instead.

"Darn. She's smart," Emily complained.

"No kidding," Barry agreed. "Anyway, I think I can fix you up. Shouldn't take too long."

"Oh that's okay! It's more fun this way."

Barry looked confused. "Are you ... are you all good then?"

"Uh-huh!" Emily spun around again, and for a moment the sparks from her hand made a hula hoop of light. "Thanks for playing with me, Barry."

"Uh, you're welcome, I guess. Be careful, okay?"

"Okay!" Emily zoomed around the corner. Just before disappearing from sight, she sang back over her shoulder, "It works better on robots, anyway!"

Barry and Lup looked at each other.

"Works better on ... oh no." Barry raised a guilty hand to cover his laughter. "That kid's gonna be a menace. I was getting off easy over here with my flesh arms."

"A child with a built-in joy buzzer." Lup shook her head. "Little Taako would have had a field day, or at least, the fifteen minutes before it got him in deep shit."

"Taako and not you, huh?" They meandered back towards the library entrance.

"Hey, someone had to be mature enough for both of us."

"Let me know if you ever meet that person, we could use them on the crew."

Lup rolled her eyes as they arrived back out in daylight.

Barry turned to her. "Seriously though, what did you need me for?"

"Oh!" Lup racked her brains. "I wanted, um ..." She frowned.

Barry gave an exaggerated wink. "You can just say you missed me, you know."

To her horror, Lup felt herself blush. Barry looked startled.

"The map of the third tier!" Lup blurted before he could say anything. "The one where some street names are still legible. Do you have it? Lucretia found a reference to a shopping district there, I was going to see if there was anything left."

"Nice. Yeah, I do, hang on." Barry stopped walking and dug around in his bag. "You, um. You want company?"

Barry handed Lup the map. She smiled.

"Yeah," she said. "Let's do it."

 

**Year 21**

Somewhere down the hill, a muted rumble followed waves crashing on the moonlit beach. Lup was stretched out on her back, but propped herself up when she heard the crunch of footsteps.

"Oh, there you are," she said.

Barry paused mid-step. "I ... just got here?"

"See? There you are." Lup lay back down triumphantly. "But you've been sparse for weeks."

"Oh, right. I've been, uh ... exploring a lot."

"Mm-hmm. Find anything interesting?"

"Lotta water." Barry flashed an embarrassed grin. "Sand. Some palm trees, if you know where to look."

Lup raised an eyebrow. "Sounds rigorous."

Barry ignored that as he sat down in the grass beside her. It was dusted with sand brought inland by the wind. "What about you, what are you doing?"

"Looking for constellations."

Barry craned his neck to look. "They're all different."

"Of course they're all different, I'm making them up." Lup pointed. "There's a dragon over there."

"Where?" Barry squinted. Lup grabbed the back of his shirt and tugged until he lay back on the ground, then pointed again.

"See that bright cluster? That's the fire, its head is off to the right a little."

"Oh, yeah, I see it."

"Now you," Lup prompted.

"Hmm, I see ... a quill?" He raised an arm, and Lup leaned over to peer along it. "You see that line of bright stars, with all the little ones around it?"

Lup nodded. "I called that one a sword."

"Oh. I guess that makes more sense."

"Nah, I like yours better."

Lup rolled the rest of the way onto her side, laying her head on Barry's shoulder. She felt his chest rise slowly as he inhaled.

"How's the swimming coming along?" she asked innocently.

"Not too bad. I mean, I won't be winning any races any time soon, but uh ... oh. Shit."

Under Lup's ear, the soft thump of Barry's heartbeat began to speed up. She smiled.

Barry put a hand over his face, pushing his glasses out of the way. "I should've known better than to try to keep a secret between you two."

"Yeahh."

"Did he ... tell you anything else?"

"Mm, nothing I didn't already know."

Barry turned his head quizzically, and all Lup had to do was tilt hers upwards a little. Their noses brushed past each other, close enough to tickle a little. Close enough that she could feel the warmth of his breath. Lup waited for two heartbeats, giving him time to turn away. Then she pressed her lips to his.

After a stunned moment, Barry returned the kiss. He curled an arm around her waist and she reached a hand up to cup the side of his face. In the distance, a wave crashed, and took its time rolling out onto the shore.

"God, why did that take us so long?" Lup breathed as they broke apart.

Barry pressed his forehead to hers. She could feel the creases forming in it. "Because we're still fighting the apocalypse, Lup, and I--"

"Wait. Stop."

"Huh?"

"If you're going to get all maudlin, kiss me again first. I'm not letting you talk me out of this after only one kiss."

Barry cracked a smile. He kissed her, gently this time, tracing the shape of her lips so tenderly that it almost tickled. She licked her lips and pushed back, slipping her tongue into his mouth and raking her fingers through his hair. She was rewarded with a hungry whimper. When Barry leaned closer, Lup suddenly pulled away, leaving him with his mouth hanging open and his eyes closed.

"Okay," she said. "Now talk me out of it, if you can."

Barry took a long, slow breath. He swallowed, then opened his eyes. She met them calmly and waited.

"Lup," Barry said finally, "I promise you there is nothing I want more in the world right now than to go away with you somewhere where we can do that for--"

"And some other things."

"And--and a couple more things, yeah." He reddened slightly and continued, "But every time I close my eyes, Lup ... I see the Hunger. I'm anticipating the next fight, mapping the next world, wondering how the fuck we're going to fix the ship this time. I don't ever not think about it, not even when I'm thinking about you." He shook his head slowly. "I keep having this nightmare where we reset and we're all back in our places, right, but you're not ... you're not there, Lup, and I don't know why--"

Lup grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Babe, we've done this like twenty times now. That part never changes.”

"I know, I know.” He sighed. “I’m not saying it's gonna happen, I'm just saying I've got all this stuff in my head all the time. If I could take you away from all this I would do it and never look back, but as long as we still have to fight this ..."

"I understand." Lup let go of Barry's hand and rested her head in the crook of her elbow.

"Really?"

"Sure. I mean, I worry about all that stuff too. What the Hunger really is, what we'll have to do to stop it. And, god, what happens if we don't, right?"

Barry nodded.

"But does that mean you have to pick one or the other? Save the world or get the girl but not both? Fuck that!" Lup scowled. "I don't know how many more years of this we're gonna live through, but I do know a lot of them are going to fucking suck. Sometimes, when we're really lucky, we get the chance to just lie on a hill near a beach and tell each other what nasty things we want to do to one another."

Barry really did turn red this time, and he tried and failed to suppress a grin. Lup smiled victoriously.

"We're not gonna get a lot of days like this, Barry. Don't let the Hunger fuck them up too."

Barry hesitated.

"What if it just plain doesn't work out? We'll still be stuck with each other."

"Is that better than wanting each other for years and not doing anything about it?"

"Hey, at least I already know what that's like."

"Exactly." Lup hooked a finger into the front of Barry's shirt and pulled. "Don't you want to learn something new?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heroics and teamwork. Barry makes an offer. Lup names the fic.

**Year 31**

"Barry, quick, wake up."

He was half upright before his eyes were all the way open. "Lup?"

She grabbed his outstretched hand and kissed it. "I'm here. Come on, you have to see this."

Lup pressed Barry's glasses into his hand. As he fumbled them on, she led him through the darkness towards the mouth of the shallow cave.

It opened into the wall of a monumental canyon, five or six stories up and still nowhere near the top. A sloping natural ledge was punctuated here and there by blast marks where Lup had sculpted a path for them the day before. Now, though, strange shadows distorted what little starlight there was, slipping over the canyon walls in an undulating organic pattern.

Barry squinted at the wall, then rubbed his eyes. "What the."

Lup pointed upwards.

A mass of huge silver shapes drifted slowly along the top of the open canyon, slipping and turning through the air as naturally as if it were water. They had long, round bodies and trifurcated tails, which they waved from time to time but didn't seem to be propelled by. All of them were facing the same direction, and they made no sound at all, nor did they show any sign of noticing the tiny beings watching awestruck from below.

 

**Year 43**

Barry ducked out of the way of a swiping black claw and threw a bolt of ice over his shoulder. Behind him, another creature of the Hunger froze solid, and then shattered when a clap of thunder tore through the air and shook the ground. A column of inky darkness touched down right in front of him, then two more nearby, each one bringing a deafening noise and a horde of new monsters. Barry gripped his wand and stood his ground.

A massive gust of wind at his back held off the first wave, but even as he summoned it he felt his mind drain with exhaustion. That wouldn't work twice. He froze two more of the stony black shapes and ducked another as it swung a shadowy axe past his head. In the distance, he heard a familiar thrumming sound, and his heart soared with relief. They'd gotten the engine going again. The rest of the crew would escape.

Barry's joy was short-lived as the axe-wielding figure landed a strike on his upper arm. He bellowed in pain and staggered, raising his wand, but his concentration failed him and nothing came out. They were closing in around him now, and he gritted his teeth for what was coming.

And then a fireball fell from the sky.

The two nearest monsters went up in flames. As Barry lurched past them, away from the others, he heard feet landing lightly on the ground behind him. A ring of fire blazed up around them as the pale silhouette of the ship disappeared into the stormy sky.

"What are you doing?!" Barry cried. "We're about to reset, you don't have to go through this."

Lup pressed her back up against his and gripped his bloody hand. "And you don't have to go through it alone."

The Hunger broke through the flames.

 

**Year 44**

Ribbons of white light laced together into the crew of the Starblaster, in their places on the bridge. Taako reached automatically for Lup's hand. "You good? Those were some big last-minute heroics."

"I'm good." She gave him a reassuring squeeze.

Across the room, Barry met her eyes. Lup raised her eyebrows, wordlessly, and he gave her a small smile and nodded.

"Nice flying, Captain," remarked Merle.

Davenport leaned on the wheel and exhaled slowly. "Thanks. Wouldn't have been much flying to do if Lucretia hadn't gotten the engine going again."

Barry raised his eyebrows. "That was you? Nice!"

Lucretia smiled modestly. "My notes are very thorough at this point." She turned. "Good to see you again, Magnus."

"Yeah, sorry about that." Magnus looked sheepish. "Probably shouldn't have rushed into that one."

Taako sighed dramatically. "We're used to it."

The crew laughed. Davenport guided the ship towards the next unknown world below.

 

**Year 47**

Barry and Lup staggered up the conservatory steps, half running and half pulling each other along by their joined hands. On the landing he caught her, spinning her in his arms for a moment before she ducked away with a smirk and kept leading him upstairs. The moment after she kicked her door closed he was pressing her against it, kissing her like he'd just invented it.

"Holy shit," he gasped. "We did it."

"You were amazing," Lup whispered.

" _I_ was amazing? You were incredible!"

Lup shoved Barry backwards. He stumbled on the bed and fell, and in a moment she was propped on her arms over him. "Incredible, huh?" She grinned.

"Unbelievable." Barry's eyes shone. "Like I literally cannot believe that you exist in this world. I'm gonna go build a statue now, of the way you looked up there on that stage, so no one on this goddamn plane will ever forget how good that was. Or, wait--"

Lup started laughing. "Barry--"

"Not a statue!" Barry grinned and shook his head. "I'll write a ... an opera! So I can tell the story of the most amazing woman who ever lived. She was brilliant, and beautiful, and she played the violin so good this one time that the dope who already loved her just fell in love with her all over again. I love you, Lup, and I want everyone to know that. I'll shout it from the rooftops. I'll get t-shirts made!"

Lup cackled. "Barry!"

"No, wait! I'll throw a big party and invite everyone--that way I can stand up there in person and tell them all how much I ... that I ... wait." Barry sat up suddenly.

"Barry?" Lup sat back and frowned. "What's wrong?"

"There's a word for that one." He turned to her, wide-eyed. "Lup, will you marry me?"

"What?!"

"How did I only just think of that?" Barry took one of Lup's hands between his and kissed it. "Lup, I've loved you now for ... most of my life, or for a whole bunch of lives, depending on how you count it. I can’t imagine I’m going to stop any time soon. I'm gonna keep fighting beside you, and exploring worlds with you, and loving you. And some day we're going to end this Hunger bullshit and settle down somewhere and I'll get to grow _old_ with you, god, can you imagine? And I'm gonna love you then, too." He looked up into her eyes. "I mean it, Lup. Will you marry me?"

Lup blinked, then broke into a smile. "I mean ... yes? Obviously?"

Barry’s face lit up. "Really?"

Lup laughed. "Are you _surprised_? Barry, I love you, you know that."

"I do, I just." He looked sheepish. "Since we're already living together, and working together, and, uh ..."

"And boning," Lup supplied.

"Yeah, that." Barry shot her a grin. "I guess I wasn't sure it would ... make a difference to you, you know?"

Lup looked thoughtful, and for a moment Barry had the sinking feeling he'd talked her out of it.

"The last part would be different," she said slowly.

"What last part?"

"Of all that stuff you just said." She waved a hand. "Growing old. If ... once we beat the Hunger. Everything will be different."

"Yeah ... ?" Barry frowned, unsure where this was going.

Lup met his eyes with one of her rare serious looks. "So ... let’s do it then." She clasped his hands in hers and continued before he could respond. "I love you, Barry. I want to marry you. But I want to do it when I'm promising you something that isn't just going to happen anyway. When we actually have a future worth sharing, not just one year of the present over and over." She brought his hands up to her lips, kissed them, and then smiled. "Barold Bluejeans, will you save the world with me and then marry me?"

"Lup ... of course." Barry leaned forward and kissed her softly. When he pulled away, Lup tapped on his chest, and he lay back agreeably so she could curl up in her spot on his shoulder.

"This, uh, might be kind of a long engagement," she pointed out. "Are you cool with that?"

Barry chuckled. “Yeah.” He leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "We got all the time in the world"

 

**Year 70**

Lup slammed the book shut and groaned. Her eyes ached, and her throat was dry, but she didn't rise. After decades of guesswork, they'd had the staggering luck to arrive at a monastery whose archive of arcane tomes and magical records would put the IPRE library to shame. It was a feast to a starving woman, and she wasn't going to waste a moment of it.

As Lup started flipping through the index of another volume, the door to her temporary residence opened and closed. She took no notice until a warm, savory smell reached her nostrils, and her stomach rumbled audibly in response. Lup reluctantly set the book down and turned.

Barry was setting the platter down carefully on another table. "Sorry to interrupt," he said. "I figured you'd need this by now."

Lup nodded resignedly and rubbed her eyes, too worn out to even crack wise about it. A few seconds later, she felt the familiar pressure of Barry's hands on her shoulders.

"Having any luck?" he asked.

She nodded. "Maybe too much. I could spend a lifetime here and still not--ooh, down a little."

Behind her head, Barry smiled, and pressed his thumbs between her shoulderblades. Lup groaned in gratitude.

"Can I help?" he asked.

"You are helping."

"Yeah but, with the studying."

"... actually? Yeah." Lup reluctantly leaned forward out of Barry's reach and picked up a smaller book from the top of a nearby stack. Its cover was crumbling, and she turned each yellow page with care until she reached the ribbon marking her place. "Would you copy this for me? I want to look over it more later, and it's too much to memorize."

"Yeah, of course." Barry leaned forward to see. As his eyes flicked over the page, his helpful smile faded, replaced by a look of confusion, and then worry. "That's ... some heavy shit, Lup."

"Yeah." Lup rearranged some scrolls on her reading table, then put them back where they were, one by one. "I feel like we could use some heavy shit, at this point. Don't you?"

Barry didn't answer. He turned to the tray of food and started dividing it, breaking a small loaf of bread in half with his hands and pouring soup into two deep ceramic cups.

Lup stood and started pacing around the small chamber. "I know what I'm doing, Barry. I mean, I don't, not yet, but I know that. That's why I need more time. If I can understand this, maybe it'll explain something about what's happening to us."

Barry sighed. "Yeah, I know. I trust you. Just ... be careful, okay?" He gave her a small smile, and a plate. "Who knows how that stuff even works on someone who can't really die."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry makes a gift. Lup makes a choice.

**Year 92**

"Aren't you already a necromancer?" The towering orc breezed by him without stopping, carrying a glowing phial in a pair of tongs.

"Something like that." Barry stood his ground in the doorway as Tog dropped the phial into a tall, narrow pipe in the corner. A burst of steam hissed out of the top, followed by the sound of glass shattering.

"So what do you want to learn divination for?"

"I need to make something."

Tog wheeled around to stand in front of him, peering down and squinting. "You wanna spy on someone?"

"No." Barry returned his gaze calmly. "It's not for seeing, or hearing. Just for ... sensing. Ideas. Feelings."

"Hmph." Tog looked him over. "How long have you been a lich, Barry?"

Barry blinked. "How did you--"

"I'm a master of fucking divination, answer the question."

"Uh ..." Barry thought back. "About ten years, I guess?" Strange how normal it had come to feel.

"So it's not a focus you need. Good." Tog kicked a hatch at the bottom of the pipe. Brackish fluid began draining into a waiting grate, along with small splinters of glass. "I don't want you losing your shit in here if something happens to this poor bastard you're possessing."

Barry didn't bother to correct him. "No. It's a gift."

"Gift, huh? For sensing feelings ..." Tog groaned. "Aw, fuck, we got a _romantic_."

Something fell out of the bottom of the pipe and hit the grate with a clunk. Tog stooped over to pick it up, holding it up to the lamplight.

"MILES!" he hollered.

After a couple of seconds, the back door of the workshop rattled open, and Barry was surprised to see a human man walk out. He was older than ... well, he was older than Barry looked, anyway, with a short beard and a long gray ponytail. He replied in an unruffled tenor.

"Yeah, Tog."

"Can you do something with this?" Tog tossed him the object, an palm-sized golden shape, oblong, with a clear crystal in the middle. It caught the light strangely, sparkling in colors that Barry couldn't quite put a name to.

Miles turned whatever it was over in his hands. "Mm, yeah, I think so. Can I pierce it?"

"You fuck up that finish, I'll fuck up yours."

"Wrapping it is." Miles took a piece of cloth out of his pocket and folded it gently around the artifact. Tog turned back to Barry.

"Miles here is the one you want. He does the fancy parts with metal and wire. You want a present for someone pretty, he'll set you up. Divination enchantment's too much of a pain to teach you just to flirt with."

Barry exhaled through his nose. "I'm not flirting. I'm sure your friend makes--"

"My _friend_?" Tog roared with laughter. Miles smirked, giving the orc a sidelong glance, and Barry saw it in their faces just before Tog said it.

"We've been married for three decades, buddy." He chuckled proudly. "You think this sweetheart of yours is gonna put up with you that long?"

Barry smiled. He didn’t need divination to know that he’d won. "She has for the last seventy years."

 

Convincing Tog to teach him turned out to be the easy part. Convincing him that what he wanted could be done was something else.

"You can't pick and choose, Barry. Divination senses what it senses."

Barry shook his head. "You can, though." They were leaning over a diagram Tog had spread out on a worktable, articulating the precise types of awareness that could be divined across distances. "There's information, just bare knowledge, and then there's like, connection. Sympathy. Love. And a powerful enough enchantment can sense that."

Tog scoffed. "Oh, so you're the master artificer now? The fuck kinda powerful sympathy detection item have you ever heard of?"

Barry unrolled another schematic onto the table. Tog glared skeptically. But as he looked it over, interpreting the symbols, his expression changed slowly into bafflement. He looked up.

"What the fuck _is_ this?"

"That," Barry told him, "is a bond engine."

 

It took Tog and Barry months to comprehend the bond filter well enough to reproduce it. Once they did, it was relatively simple to incorporate the subject into the enchantment, narrowing the scope of divination even further.

"Seems almost pointless now," Tog joked. "She won't get nothing from this except what other folks feel about her personally. And if you haven't told her that yourself, buddy, you're spending your year with the wrong person."

Barry laughed. "Don't worry, she knows."

They divided the enchantment among a set of colorful gems, for aesthetic reasons more than anything else: one to represent each of the twelve planes, and then a pair to sit together in the center. The vessels spent weeks in a beaker of thick, opaque liquid, onto which Barry painstakingly etched a sequence of runes. When the day came to pour them out there were butterflies in his stomach. Their time in this planar system was almost up. He might never get another chance like this one.

Tog tipped the vial out unceremoniously into a cloth. He wiped off the stones, shook them into his hand, and blinked.

"Huh."

Only after a year working closely together could Barry have noticed Tog's expression soften.

"Well," the orc grumbled, recovering. "Nothing I didn't already know, I guess." He passed the gems to Miles.

Miles accepted them, and almost immediately a smile spread across his face. He looked over at Tog.

"Yeah, yeah." Tog punched his husband in the shoulder, but there was no weight behind it. "Fuck off, you sap."

Barry grinned across the table. Miles beamed back at him. "I like this one. Good work, Barry."

"Thanks. That means a lot. Wanna help me out with the last part? I … I want it to look nice."

"Of course. I'll show you how to do it."

 

The crew reunited at the ship a few days before they expected the Hunger to arrive.

"How'd it go?" Lup asked, linking her arm through Barry's.

"Good, I think. We'll see. How about you?"

"Pretty fucking awesome. I made an umbrella!"

"An umbrella?" Barry blinked. "Like, to keep rain off?"

"Oh SHIT, that didn't even occur to me, it can ALSO keep rain off. Man, this thing is sweet!"

Barry shook his head, laughing. "Okay, show me what else it does."

 

**Year 99**

Lup's ears pricked up at the sound of footsteps on the deck overhead. She jumped to her feet when she saw the hem of his pants coming down the ladder. "About time! I was starting to wonder if you were gonna come back all ghosty."

Barry peeled his rain-drenched robe over his head and started wringing it out in the sink. "Sorry, sweetheart. Took longer than I expected to find somewhere that seemed ... secluded enough. Everyone else already back?"

"Everyone but Magnus." Lup leaned over his shoulder to kiss him. "He got fed up with the storm and swore he was taking the chalice someplace dry. So he's probably halfway across Faerun by now," she snorted, ruffling his damp hair.

"Heh." Barry leaned over to return Lup's kiss. "Just so long as he remembers he has to get back on his own. No more relying on the reset." His brow furrowed. "Man, that's a weird thought."

Above them, the rain picked up, thudding hollowly onto the deck. Barry hung his robe up on a peg, then stood in front of it, staring at nothing in particular.

"Do you think ... do you think we're really done?" he asked.

Lup laid a hand on his back. She felt his muscles unwind minutely under the warmth. "I guess we'll know in a year."

 

**Year 101**

"Hey, beautif--oh, um. Sorry, Taako."

Taako waved a forgiving hand. "You're not wrong. But you just missed her."

"Ah." Barry leaned on the galley doorframe. "How's she doing?"

"Not great." The map of Cordelia was still unrolled on the table. A hand-drawn circle marked the circumference of glass where there once had been a city. Death toll in the low thousands. Third in as many months. "I got her to laugh, at least."

"Wow. That's better than I could do."

Taako looked over at him with an unreadable expression. "Every little bit counts, my man." He stood with a sigh and rolled up the map. "If you've got any joy for her that you've been holding out on, now's the time."

Barry rested a hand on his hip pocket, tracing the square outline inside. "Yeah. Maybe."

 

Barry knocked on Lup's door, then pushed it open. She was lying on her back in her bunk, eyes closed, and hands folded over her stomach in a pose he recognized from decades of watching her meditate. While he hesitated, deciding what to do, she opened her eyes.

"What's up?" Lup sounded tired. Barry realized he was too. None of them were tracking their relics as closely as she was, but the atrocities being committed with them still hung over all of their heads.

"I, uh." He crossed the small room in a few steps and sat on the side of the bed. Lup sat up to make room, looking at him with the same expressionless face as Taako had been a few minutes ago. He wondered if she had been crying.

Barry took a deep breath. "I have something for you." As he took it out of his pocket, he turned over in his mind the words he'd been rehearsing for almost a decade. They felt hollow, now, intended to be spoken on a peaceful world they'd never found.

A world they'd failed to make.

Lup tilted her head. "Oh?"

He ended up saying nothing, trusting her memory and her understanding. He just reached for her hand, placed the box in her palm, and folded her fingers around it.

Lup opened it. She blinked. "... oh."

A ripple of fear went through Barry's stomach. "I, um. I know it's been a long time since we ... since we talked about this. And these aren't exactly the circumstances we had in mind. But I guess, this ... this is the future we have. And I still want to share it with you, if you'll have me."

Lup turned the box in her hands, watching the ring sparkle in the dim light. The silence seemed to stretch for eons, but Barry would gladly have endured it rather than hear what came next.

"Barry ... I can't."

It took him a few moments to remember how to breathe. "Oh."

"Not yet." She looked up at him, finally, but he couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes. Lup looked pained. "Barry, this isn't ... this can't be our happy ending, can it? Could you really settle down somewhere down there, and live out our lives with the war _we caused_ leveling cities all around us?"

"I didn't say that!"

"Isn't that what this was supposed to mean?"

"Was?" It felt like the room was spinning. Barry stood, shaking his head. "Never mind. I'm sorry."

"Barry." Lup rose. "You see what I’m saying, don't you? I have to believe that--that we can do better than this. I can't keep floating up here and just watching all those people die. I have to fix it."

"And what if you can't?" Barry's voice shook. "What if you die trying? Lup, we don't get resets any more. I know you don't want this to be the end, none of us do, but this is the only life we have now. All I want is to live it with you."

"I want that too," Lup said softly. "But I'm not giving up on this world yet."

Barry felt numb. "Just on me."

"That's not--" she began, but he had already walked out the door.

 

Barry woke up the next morning feeling like twelve kinds of hell, which these days was only five or six more than usual. He missed the warm shape of Lup in bed beside him. The only thing that hurt worse than her answer was remembering how he'd acted afterwards.

She was right. Of course she was right. Her refusal to accept this future was the same strength he had admired in her for a century. She had always kept the crew honest in the face of awful choices, and facing the one they'd already made was no different. He had chosen to ignore it, and sulk about it, when he should have been offering to help her.

Well, at least that was a choice he could still unmake.

Strengthened by that determination, Barry dressed and went up to the galley. Lup was out somewhere already, but the conversation would keep. A day to agonize about it felt like fair punishment. Barry began slicing up an apple, turning over apology options in his mind. Beside him on the table was the note she'd left.

_Back soon._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry remembers things. Lup is ... Lup. Story and Song.

**Year 102**

"Taako, kill me! Right now! I’ll--I’ll remember if I’m a lich, I can--please, Taako, just kill me! It’ll--I’ll be okay! I can’t forget, I'm begging you, please, Taako! Please!"

By the time his body hit the ground, Barry had put together what happened. A howl of betrayal and anger escaped from his spectral form before he regained control of himself, seething as he focused, remembering. Even remembering hurt, now. The memory that was supposed to anchor him, his best day ever, was tainted by the ache of missing Lup. Days of worry had become weeks of agony, then months of desperation, as he and Taako searched.

Well. He would have plenty of time to look now, without the limitations of his body. And the crew ... he shook his head. He'd keep an eye on them as much as he could. He was the only one who'd escaped Lucretia tampering with their memories, but for the moment, there was nothing he could do about it.

Barry drifted off towards the mountains. There ought to be a decent hiding place there. Somewhere to keep his head down while he got his bearings, made a plan, and figured out Lucretia's. And somewhere he could resume the search.

 

**Year 112**

"Where did--what did you--you FOUND HER?!"

Barry spasmed slightly and felt a flicker of electricity dance across him. He struggled to focus. He had almost gotten used to seeing Taako, Merle, and Magnus stumbling through the world without their memories, to playing the part of the red-robed demon guiding them towards the truths they would eventually need to know. But to see Lup's umbra staff in Taako's hand, to know that he'd seen her, touched her, without knowing her ...

 _Dead,_ they had laughed. _Long dead._

It was too much to bear.

With his last fragments of self-control, Barry phased out of sight and began falling, passing through floor after floor of the floating laboratory and finally out into the open sky. Red lightning arced wildly from his spectral shape.

He hit the surface of the Stillwater Sea in a cacophony of bubbles and steam, still incorporeal but swathed in flame. Around him the water churned, billowing black, and fish that weren't quick enough to escape his descent floated to the surface, bloated and seared, as the powers of a hundred-and-fifty-year-old necromancer lashed out beyond his control. What remained of Barry's mind was fixated on the image of Lup, dead on some battlefield, her precious staff looted by a stranger who didn’t recognize his own face on her corpse. And she still hadn't come home! Trapped, then, somewhere, in her lich form--or incarcerated, on the ethereal plane--or destroyed--!

An unholy wail reverberated through the dark as he sank.

 

Alone, at the bottom of the sea, Barry remembered.

Beneath fathoms of freezing water, he remembered the chill of the lake on his back, and the blazing sun overhead. He gasped and flailed as Lup popped suddenly up beside him, spraying cold water over them both.

"Hey handsome, lunch is up. Race you back," she said, and was already off again.

Barry carved through the water with determination, and when he clambered up onto the bank she was only a few steps ahead. Lup turned, poised to tease him, but he pressed his lips to hers before the words could escape. When he broke the kiss, her eyes were sparkling with mischief. She took a step closer. It was midsummer, a peaceful year. His heart was full.

 

At the bottom of the sea, Barry reluctantly opened his eyes.

He willed himself to rise, a red-robed spectre bubbling silently towards the still surface. He didn't know how long it had been this time. But he knew his friends, his lost brothers, still needed him. And deep down, beneath the ache in his chest, he knew that somewhere, Lup did too.

 

**Year 113**

Barry keeled over, clutching his head. The novelty of having his memories in a physical body was dwarfed by the pain of remembering them all at once. Hiding in the pocket spa. Explaining in the cave. Wonderland, Goldcliff. Searching, studying, fugue and shorter fugue. Phandalin. Tesseralia. A hundred years rolled out behind him in reverse. With places came people. Gundran. Emily. Lup.

"Don't try to remember too fast," he gasped to Merle and Taako. "It's ... it'll take you out."

They were hauled in front of Lucretia by the guards. The throbbing in his head subsided, years of practice smoothing his memory out yet again--but the others, he saw, were still sick and stumbling. Barry gritted his teeth.

"Lucretia, you gotta help them remember. It's over. You owe them that. You already have the relics, just help them remember. They ... their minds are gonna shatter if you don't."

He could see she knew he was right.

She began from the beginning--the wrong way, dammit, but how would she know? She told them about IPRE, the mission, the voidfish. She told them about the Bureau. And she had the goddamn _nerve_ to tell them she would keep them safe before she told them about Lup.

Barry watched Taako. The elf was a statue. Only his eyes flickered back and forth as he listened, remembering, piecing his memories back together.

His face didn't change. But a moment passed, in the remembering, and he knew. Barry saw Taako’s hands begin to shake, and for an awful, selfish moment, he was just grateful not to be alone.

 

Everyone was shouting. Taako and Magnus threatened Lucretia; Merle tried to calm them down. Davenport attempted to sway Taako and Barry into running by reminding them Lup would regenerate. As if he hadn’t thought of that every day for ten years. As if she would ever forgive them.

But there was no time for any of this. As the Hunger closed in, Barry fought beside his friends in his temporary body--his last one, he supposed, no more temporary now than anyone else's. He was impressed by the Bureau members battling around him, a few of whom he knew but most of whom he didn't. He saw Angus, the boy detective, stop a charging rhinoceros with a fireball, then toss the borrowed umbra staff back to Taako. His eyes were wide as he stammered his denials, his certainty that power had come from somewhere else. For a moment even the Hunger seemed to hold its breath.

Taako snapped the umbrella in two, and the room exploded in flame. As red tendrils snaked around the black columns of the Hunger, Barry's heart hammered with recognition. It couldn't be. Not now. After ten years of silence, at the last possible second, in a burst of fire at their hour of need ... fuck, it was _exactly_ like her. The most Lup possible entrance. And then there she was, phantasmal, resplendent, standing over her brother in her red spectral form and teasing him like she'd only been gone for the weekend.

Nothing short of the end of the world would have stopped Barry from wasting this last body and rejoining her as a lich. But of course, it _was_ the end of the world, and also, she told him not to. So he fought beside her instead, and that felt almost as right. Back to back, surrounded by the Hunger, it was almost as if the past fifteen years had never happened.

Until they won.

A black opal giant was looming over Barry; as he tensed to dodge its enormous club, both giant and weapon dissolved into light. All around them, bright spots of light were drifting through the sky from the disappearing tendrils, and the surviving combatants stared around themselves in wonder.

Lup craned her neck to look up at the disappearing storm clouds. Barry couldn't make out facial features on her lich form, but he didn't have to. Her voice was tight. "Where are they?"

Barry turned in a slow circle, searching the sky. "They're coming."

From all around them came murmurs of confusion, mixed with cautious excitement and the cries of the wounded. People shouted in defiance, or for a stretcher, or a priest. Someone started singing Johann’s song.

Lup looked at Barry. "What if--"

"They're coming, Lup."

The sky was clear, now. For the first time ever, they watched a world made dim by the Hunger brightening again. More people were singing. Far away, someone screamed. A pair of clerics sprinted past.

Their ship was nowhere in sight.

"Barry ..."

Without thinking, he reached for her hand, and passed through it with a ghostly shiver. She turned when she felt him, then straightened suddenly and let out a whoop of relief. Barry looked over his shoulder to see their five crewmates standing where they definitely hadn't been a moment before, seeming as startled to be there as he was to see them. Lup was already flying to them as Taako, Merle, and Magnus began babbling excitedly about what they'd seen.

The rest of the day was a blur of celebration. Everyone, everywhere, knew who they were. Everyone, everywhere, wanted to talk to them. Taako soaked up the attention. Merle was already finding ways to exaggerate the incredible truth. Once the sun set, Lup showed off her fireworks. Those who were fortunate enough to have spare beds intact argued over the right to host their heroes, and Barry was grateful for Lucretia's quiet counteroffer of the Bureau's dormitories.

 

Barry snapped awake with a familiar fear clutching his belly. He sat up in the dark, heart pounding, scrambling to sort out memories from dreams.

A chill touched his arm. "I'm here."

Barry slipped his glasses on, and a faint red glow resolved itself into Lup's lich form. She'd been floating near the bed, but when he sat up, she drifted over to his side.

Barry gazed into where her face would be, under the hood of her spectral robe. "You really are," he murmured reverently.

She laughed. It was the perfect sound, he decided.

"Yeah. Been a while, huh?"

Barry chuckled hoarsely and nodded. "A little bit, yeah." He reached out a hand and overlapped it with her weightless one. "God, I missed you, Lup."

"I missed you too, babe." She leaned over so their foreheads touched. The cold felt nice on his damp brow. "I like hanging out with Taako and all, but I don't think I'd spend a year being his wand again." She didn't mention the years before that, and he didn't ask. That would come when she was ready.

Barry took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You were right," he said. "About fixing things."

"I know." He could hear the smile in her voice. "To be fair, you were right about it getting me killed."

Barry started to laugh, but the sound caught in his throat. He covered his face with his hands. His shoulders shook, and he struggled for control.

"Hey." Lup leaned into him urgently. "You're alive."

It took him a minute to realize what she meant. Safe in his human body, Barry gingerly relaxed his concentration. After all this time, he had almost forgotten how. But he found the place in his mind to release the practiced tension, and suddenly ten years of grief and loneliness were pouring out of him.

Barry crumpled. Tears flooded through his fingers. "Lup," he gasped between sobs. "I am so, so sorry."

She held him as best she could, surrounding him with ghostly light as he rocked back and forth.

"I know, babe. It's okay. We're okay."

 

When orange daylight crept into the borrowed room, Barry was lying on his back, red-eyed and awake but calm. Lup floated lengthwise with her head over his shoulder, and he traced the outline of her arm with his warm fingertips. She mumbled something.

"What was that?" he asked.

"I said it feels nice."

Barry smiled, letting his hand drift over and into her back. After decades of trading deaths, they had long since shed any horror of each other’s lich forms. The faint shiver where they intersected was almost as familiar to him as the texture of her skin.

Even so.

"I would cut my right arm off to be able to kiss you right now," he remarked.

Lup snorted. "That's a shame. I'd really miss that hand, if I had a body."

Barry barked a surprised laugh.

"Besides," she added, "It wouldn't work. You'd need MY arm."

"Hmm?"

"You know, to grow me one."

Barry's hand stopped moving. "... huh."

 

Months later, he watched from the front room of the abandoned Fantasy Costco as Lup drifted away through the far wall. He heard the crash of shattering glass and began pacing. After a pause, the back door opened; Lup posed in the frame, all flesh and bone and glowing.

"Man," she said. "I forgot how good I look."

And before he could say _I didn't_ she was in in his arms, and her tongue in was his mouth, and everything about her felt and smelled and tasted so right that he thought he must be lost in a memory. But this Lup was warm against his chest, and when she came back for another a kiss it was different from any of the kisses that had come before. This was her. This was real.

When she stepped back, his eyes followed her, drinking her in.

"You're quiet," Lup accused.

Barry laughed, pulling his glasses off to wipe his eyes. "Sorry, I ... I don't know what’s left to say. You're here, we're all safe, I can hold you again. I have everything I wanted."

"Huh." Lup cocked her head at him. "Well, I want one more thing."

Barry blinked as he replaced his glasses. He smiled at her. "Anything."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day with family.

**Year 114**

They kept it small. Just family. Even Lup, after a year of fame, was happy to spend this day out of the spotlight. Davenport stood between them on a podium, his face already weathered by his time at sea but still, after all that had happened, their captain.

The others sat around them in the grove. Lucretia passed a handkerchief to Magnus, who was already sniffling. Merle had an arm around each of his kids, a fatherly gesture that left him in ear-pinching range for when Mookie got bored and loud. Taako was up front, arm's length from his sister, and after a couple of quiet reassurances that yes, he belonged in this gathering, Kravitz was poised by Taako's side. Watching from the forest all around them were the sharp black eyes of birds; not an unsettling number, but enough to stand for the Raven Queen’s presence, and her approval.

"Can we get the rings, Taako?"

Taako floated to his feet and handed Davenport a plush velvet bag. Barry watched with interest. These had been Lup's project--"It's my turn," she had said, and that was the end of it--and he’d kept his promise not to look. Taako grinned at him as he sat back down, glowing with the privilege of a secret.

Lup took Barry's hand. She smiled at him, excited and fond, with just a little bit of ... could Lup really be nervous? After all this time?

He was still watching her face when she slipped the larger ring onto his finger and he felt the warmth begin to grow in his chest. It reminded him of the first time she kissed him, ninety years before: the unexpected joy of learning how she felt, and anticipating what was coming. The warmth grew as Davenport handed him the second ring, and Barry recalled laughing over dinner on the Starblaster; secret swimming lessons at the beach; the smiles his friends gave him when he regenerated, and they saw that he was with them once again.

Barry looked down at his hand. His ring looked so simple, a white gold band, but inset around the outside were seven tiny, perfect stones in different colors. As he placed an identical one on Lup's finger, he began to tremble. There were the other seven stones. He heard her inhale softly, and saw a smile spread over her face.

It took a few moments for Barry to even find the words. "How did you--where--" he stammered.

"Right where I left it, of course." She took his hands in hers and beamed at him. At his blank look, she took pity, and explained.

"I was still holding it when you walked out of my room that last time. I didn't want to just leave it there, so I took it with me, and when I was sitting in the cave dying already like an idiot, I thought, well ... this was it, my last few minutes ever in a corporeal body. Anything I wanted to do with one, this was my last chance. And, well ... I really wanted to wear your ring."

Barry, still speechless, blinked back tears.

"That was a pretty cool enchantment you made," Lup went on. "When I was in the umbra staff ... I couldn't remember a lot at first. And without my body or memories to anchor me, I couldn't always … keep myself …”

She saw the look on his face and stopped. "You know."

"Yeah." Barry was hoarse. "I know."

Lup just looked at him for a minute. Then she glanced sideways at their assembled friends and continued. "Well ... putting on the ring was the last thing I did, so it was the first thing I remembered. Things were still kinda hazy, but I knew that I was loved. Like, really, really loved. And I kinda ... got by on that, until I figured out the rest."

Barry squeezed Lup's hands tightly. She squeezed back, and Barry's heart lept, and he felt the ring amplify the sensation.

"So to actually answer your question, it's been just sitting there ever since," Lup concluded. "Even my THIEVING BROTHER--" She turned her head to make sure he could hear her. "--didn't notice it when he was busy stealing my cool magic umbrella from my CORPSE. Kidnapping me in the process."

"More like rescuing you, really, when you think about it," Taako protested. Lup ignored him.

"You went _back_ there?" Barry gasped.

"Oh, goodness, no, I made Taako do it. He owed me."

Barry looked over at Taako, who shrugged.

"I hope you're not expecting another gift from me, 'cause we're even." And his voice was nonchalant, but Barry felt the weight of the ring on his finger and understood exactly how much it meant for Taako to run that macabre errand--for the love of not just his twin sister, but the brother-in-law he was so fucking glad to have back. Barry could have hugged him if they weren't in the middle of something.

Davenport cleared his throat.

Lup grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, Captain. We got off the rails there a little. What's left?"

Davenport chuckled. He glanced around the grove. Kravitz was smiling, facing forward attentively but actually watching Taako, whose hand was resting loosely on the reaper's thigh. Magnus and Lucretia leaned on each other's shoulders, bawling openly. Even Merle wiped away a tear. Beside him, Mavis's eyes shone, and Mookie was bouncing a little with undirected excitement. Barry and Lup still had their hands clasped tight together, and in their misty eyes Davenport saw a hundred years of patience running out.

"You know, it's funny," he said, flipping ahead in his notes. "but I think it's just the kissing part."

The quiet grove erupted into cheers as Lup threw herself into Barry's arms. He lifted her up, spinning her around as they kissed. They narrowly missed knocking over Davenport's podium and started laughing, and then everyone was laughing, and the attending ravens squawked indignantly as they rose in a flurry of black feathers. They danced, and they ate, and they traded stories and jokes and embraces. And at the end of the night, Lup and Barry walked home together, hand in hand. Into the world that they'd made. Into the ending they’d earned.

Into the future they would finally share.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to every fanartist who draws Barry and Lup wearing wedding rings and every fan who swoons when they see it. You are all big fucking saps like me and I love you.


End file.
